Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Let the bodies hit the floor...

War Report: 090208

After the first week of operation "Backyard Freedom" I have this to report from the war zone.

We began offensive strikes at 10pm MST last Thursday. The availability of natural weapons here in Pueblo were virtually non-existent, obviously too new age for this town. We were forced to resort to chemical poisons. The one I chose shot a stream up to 27 feet and claimed to kill the hornets for 4 days after spraying.

I went in with my poisons and shot them straight into their home in my home. Targeting every access point that the enemy was using. Ruthlessly spraying the toxins whilst the the enemy forces staggered from their nest and fell to their death.

I regret to report that the chemical warfare was not as successful as we had hoped. The morning after my initial attack the enemies had brought in reinforcements. Their numbers had almost tripled.

Our largest success has come from hand to hand combat. The enemy casualties have been averaging 20 a day. However this style of battle is much more dangerous and not very effective in the annihilation of an entire hive.

Yesterday we launched our second chemical warfare attack. Once again spraying deep into the enemies home sparing not one once of the poison. Again only to be met this morning with the enemy troops nearly doubled.

At this point, if I were George W. Bush, I would be addressing you with a goofy smile and a sign behind me that says "Mission Accomplished" claiming we have won the war.


Blogger Bug said...

Now we know where Iraq's WMDs went. Finally.

5:18 PM  

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