Are you kidding me?

I mean seriously, why on this beautiful green earth would this girl (maybe) think that I would have any desire to do a free shoot for her. I wouldn't even shoot her with Flint's camera.

Oh yeah! That's right despite all efforts to the contrary I now have my own a100! Happy day for me!!!

How times have changed!

Okay, so I'm still a pirate! But now the booty I seek is not movies, music or porn. It's audio books! That's right and I am so addicted!

That is at least while my computer can hold a frikkin internet connection.

Hopefully I'll be able to post this before it quits on me.

Infrequency.

If you notice I haven't been posting much it's because my stupid Mac's airport keeps dropping its connection after about fifteen minutes. What a fucking pain in the ass!!!

Further Proof

Further proof of human ignorance -

A friend sent this to me, my comments are in parenthesis.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Frito's:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's "just" a suggestion.)


On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Well...duh, a bit late, huh?)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (and you thought what?)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (I'm taking this because???)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Now, somebody out there, help me out on this. I'm a bit curious. Was it was supposed to be translated as "the intended use is" basically what it means is don't use your food processor as a wood chipper people.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Must See TV!!!

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

In this economic crisis...

We need a new tax revenue. Do you think now we can legalize marijuana?

Okay, I know this is a little gay but...

Since Obama's speech last night I've had that song "Proud to be an American" going through my head almost non stop.

America has spoken!

And this time there will be no recount!!!

Dear Red States:

Dear Red States:

If you manage to steal this election as you have the past two we've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans (thanks Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Peace out!

Oops! My bad!