I want to come back as a cat!

If there is such a thing a reincarnation I want to come back as a cat. This way I can catch up on all the sleep I missed out on in this life. Get free food and affection anytime I want. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY... Cats NEVER listen to or obey the rules!

The Battle For Ultimate Supremecy!

A great war was waged last night as two NBA teams hit the court to once and for all settle a major dispute. Which team sucks the worst... Well finally the Knicks have won somethiing this season, the are in sole possesion of last place! That's right, the franchise with the highest salary in the NBA has the worst team. See? I told ya'll money changes nothing. Well at least the Knicks finally have something to hang their hats on, something that marks the season in the record books. This is the worst Knick team ever, the worst team that is NOT an expansion team (matter of fact they're worsetah any expansion team this year) and they are in sole possesion of being the #1 worst team in the NBA! Gooooooo KNICKS! I mean really, just go away...

Wonder what the Yankees will bring this season with their highest salary team in the MLB!

People assume it's all the weed...

I know better! My memory loss is heriditary. My mother has had it for quite some time.

For example: She leaves me a message today, returning my call. I called to her a last week about a present for my neice (that I had FORGOTTEN and left at her house) that I wanted her to bring to my neices birthday party.

Here's an excerpt -

"I got your message about the present and you're gonna have to call me closer to that weekend or else I'll forget. Call me like a day or two in advance. Maybe I'll put it in a bag and hang it on the door so I CAN'T forget it. Well... I'd hang it on the door but I can't remember where I put the present in the first place."

Uh-oh...

You haven't heard anything...

Until you've heard the earslpitting whine of an oil truck filling the apartment buildings tank. This sound has me running about the apartment seeking a quiet refuge like the cats running from the vacuum. AGGGHHH! TOO MUCH PAIN!!!

Feeling dizzy

Nauseous

Must

Hold

On

Tattoos at Two

So I keep hearing these stories from my sister how my two year old neice is constantly running around the house with fairly detailed magic marker tatoos up and down her arms, singing with glee how she's just like 'ol Uncle Altered here. An inspiration for da generations... Maybe she'll like gardening too!

Children are amazing.

Blogs

If a blog is written and nobody comments... Is it really a blog?

I'm gonna have to start advertising mine it seems. Everybody I know must be to dang busy to put a little "I agree" or "That's funny" or "You're an asshole". Jeeze! I feel like I'm talking to myself here. Catnip's the only one who REALLY is to dang busy so she's forgiven.

And I don't wanna hear excuses about work, school or being in the hospital. Even the dead better start commenting!

Nobody's Getting Fired!

Report: Knicks owner says he's not changing team's hierarchy.

Well that's too bad because something has GOT to happen... SOMETHING GOOD!

"Bottom five teams: 30. New York Knicks, 29. Orlando Magic, 28. Portland Trail Blazers, 27. Seattle SuperSonics, 26. Charlotte Bobcats

Things got even worse for the Knicks, who lost 10 of 11 games and curiously added Steve Francis to their stew of sorrow, further crowding their guard rotation. Words can't properly describe the laughingstock they've become." - CBS Sportsline

Hey at least were number one at something... BEING THE #1 WORST TEAM!!!

New Rule For Cats:

No more chasing me around the house whining like you have no food in your bowl IF YOU HAVE FOOD IN YOUR BOWL!!! Do not follow me into the kitchen as that will be an invitation to me to use you for waterpistol target practice.

Thank you for your co-operation!

Dancing With The Fakes!

Once again, you leave a decision to a public text messaging vote and it gets all fucked up. I think that the funniest thing about this story is that I was actually watching the Dancing With The Stars season finale. What's sad is that people in America just cant vote for the right thing can they? It's bad enough that Bush is president but now American voters have completely mucked a really important socially meaningful reality based television series! Why one would chose a lame saccharine coated Mickey Mouse club mutant over someone with REAL talent, who performed flawlessly with an ankle injury, is beyond my tiny scope of understanding. No wait... I get it! It's a bunch of fuckin IDIOTS voting!

New Rule: Not everyone will be allowed to vote anymore. I think there should be a test for potential voters, something like the LVATs. That'd be cool right? I know I'll catch heat for revolking this basic American right but if your asked what's 2 + 2 and answer "yellow" YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO VOTE!

Footnote: Drew Lachey does not ballroom dance, He does some kinda "gay" broadway dance routine thing... I could see him in "Rent".