Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Blood in the Laundromat

It's not as if I love doing laundry in the first place. Sure, I love the result. Fresh, clean, mountain rain scented clothes. But I wouldn't go as far as saying that doing laundry puts me in a good mood. Rather quite the opposite. I have to lug the clothes down four flights of stairs, go to around the corner to perhaps one of the most annoying atmospheres ever. You see, in this laundromat the owner has a voice that would leave any dog shivering and peeing in the corner. She chatters incessantly to her co-workers in this high pitch, high volume manner. Perhaps it's because she's trying to talk above the Mexican-Techno music they're are always playing there, which in my opinion is the modern day equivilant of Death Metal.

Anyway... I'm rambling. Last week, I went to do the laundry early to avoid the throng of raging queens that usually shows up sometime around noon. Unfortunately I was not as lucky as I have been in the past. Apparently, the queens and he/shes get up earlier during the winter months. Did I mention it was sheet day? It's always fun folding sheets solo especially when there's three sets you're doing. Well, to make a long folding short, after about 40 minutes I finally got everything folded, all the shirts, pants, fitted (pain in the butt) sheets... Everything!

Along comes the Queen of all queens. Briskley and brusquely shoving past everyone in the now crowded laundromat, hand on hip and swinging his laundry bag the way Paris Hilton swings her Prada. Well he connected his bag with my stacks of laundry knocking almost everything to the ground. He then grabs the crumpled mess, which was so recently my beautiful folded laundry, tosses it up on the table and says "Oooooh! Sooooorry." and proceeded to leave with his Hiltonesque swagger.

It took every once of restraint that I have not to make him a blood stain outside of the laundromat. As Nipsy said - "I wonder if he know's how lucky he is..."

Today was laundry day again. No such comfrontations were encountered. The only potential for blood was from my ears. The owner (remember her? Dog whistle voice?) had her mother there today. Granted, I'm only assuming she was her mother as her voice was even more screechy than the younger lady. I was centered between the two as I was folding. They were arguing or joking or something but it felt like I was in between two chalkboards being fingernail scratched in Asian. At one point they simultaneuosly squeeled "EEeeeeeeeeeeee!" and I felt as if my head was going to explode like in the Cronenberg classic - Scanners.

Today, I was lucky to leave the laundromat with my life.


Blogger Bug said...

Here in CO, we have this novel idea of putting a washer and dryer inside our house. It seems to work well. So. You get 65° winters, and we get clean clothes without spilling blood. Fair trade? We can put on coats.

10:27 AM  

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Sunday, November 12, 2006


Rummy's out. K Fed is kicked to the curb. The Democrats win it all! Now it's time to do something... Something good. Maybe now we'll see some changes in the dirty administration AND finally get a new Britney Spears album.

Can ya feel it? Ooh baby baby...


Blogger Bug said...

Like anything will really change. Except now accelerated deterioration of national security and a bunch of new fake promises for bi-partisan cooperation. Oops, I did it again.

1:31 PM  
Blogger Riley said...

Like anything WON'T change - for one, you might not get arrested for this blog.

11:01 AM  
Blogger Bug said...

*sigh* Oh Riley, how little you see.

1:20 PM  
Anonymous relentless questioner said...

*puke* your pompous attitude makes me ill

9:47 PM  
Blogger Bug said...

I've got a license to ill. What's your excuse?

10:02 PM  
Anonymous It's true, you're beastie said...


6:10 PM  

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Monday, November 06, 2006

Thank God!

What with the current election coming up I would've been certain our national security alert level would've risen way above Bert and Ernie to at least... Barney? Or God forbid Teletubbies1 Thank you oh thank you great Republicans for keeping our fine nation safe from terror! But alas... Long ago are the days of a Flintstone national security level.


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Sunday, November 05, 2006


I think not! More like Marbumble... After three games of hopeful spirits dashed to the hardwood floor it looks as if this Knick season will be the same 'ol same 'ol. Marbury goes 1-9 with 36000 turnovers. Frye can't control the ball, he looks like a spastic cat playing with yarn. To top it off he's weak, even with his summer bulk up. Crawford is a heave machine, too bad he's upchucking vomit and not thowing up made shots. Curry? Great offense but he couldn't defend my 4'10" Grandmother with arthritis if she were still alive.

There are SOME bright spots -

Steve Francis is playing suprisingly well. Quentin Richardson is playing AMAZING ball. David Lee and Nate Robinson are fantastic! Renaldo Balkman is showing signs of life as well. We should take these five players, dump the rest and put a new team together for the 2007-08 season.

Oh I forgot... We CAN'T get rid of those players as nobody wants them or their bloated contracts! GO KNICKS! I wonder what coach is going to have to deal with this mess next year as surely it won't be Isiah.


Blogger Bug said...

Fascinating post. You never fail to disappoint.

2:01 PM  
Blogger Bug said...

Wait, that's not what I meant. Sorry, I intended much more subtlety. Keep up the work!

2:03 PM  
Anonymous Catnip said...

I can't believe we're in for another year of this. Maybe they SHOULD tear down the Garden and we'll just start over entirely.

2:42 PM  
Blogger Altered Egoist said...

Wow Bug! Your words are always so posted here!

3:10 PM  
Blogger Bug said...

Your insults, however, continue to be clever and creative. I hang my head in shame.

3:42 PM  

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Friday, November 03, 2006

Dear GOD!!!

I pray those in Colorado for surely you have lost your minds! Cats eating pumpkin bits, women waging war for the love of a weasel and now Riley drinking "Hobo Sauce". These are the first signs of Armageddon!


Blogger Bug said...

I think that technically, the first sign was Mr. Pants turning to compost for sustenance. Or perhaps the advent of my residence in a bi-level. But that's just details. Good thing you're getting a hummer and a generator. Get a big one so Pants can come too.

1:53 AM  
Blogger Riley said...

Of all things that point to Arm'a'gettin'it, surely Hobo Sauce is the least of them. In fact, Hobo Sauce was featured in TIME as the one thing most likely to prevent Armageddon.
Next time you're at you favorite watering hole and the Bartender says, "Hobo Sauce?" You can say, "Fuck Yeah."

11:00 AM  

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