If you don't like what I'm saying...

Kill me! There's no other way to shut me up.

Yay! I'm so excited!

Finally the Barfly is getting hate mail!

"I must confess that I was taken aback by Adam Gazzola’s piece critiquing Club 21 in the February Pulp. Although the article started off with an honest assessment of the club’s poor customer service and high liquor prices (both great things to point out to interested readers), I was disgusted by what I read on his assessment of the dancers’ physical appearances. His misogynistic ramblings about the lack of “T&A” (his words, not mine) prove to be more rude and disrespectful to the dancers than the gruff male spectators he mentions in his article. Gazzola points this out by saying that the “yummy goodness” that should have been in the dancers’ “T&A” ended up in their stomachs, thus inferring that they were too fat for his taste. Furthermore, Gazzola assumes that he is far too attractive for any of the dances because although “there are a couple of cute girls,” he wouldn’t ever stoop so low as to get a lap dance from any of them.

I have never stepped foot inside of a strip club because objectifying men and women ain’t my thing, but I don’t judge the people who visit strip clubs or the men and women who choose to work there. I do, however, judge men who publically berate women on their weight and physical appearance. It’s rude, vulgar and misogynistic. Gazzola should consider writing more about the business side of local watering holes instead of forcing us to read his personal thoughts on what he finds attractive in a female body.

I think Gazzola is probably one of those dudes who would be better off sitting at home with a six-pack and watching porn with some women with silicone-injected T&A than going to a small-town strip club."

Yeah... What ev!

Unpublished -

An article that never made the press due to poor planning -

I Hate Valentines Day!

Can somebody explain to me why this is a holiday? Who’s bright idea was this one? Hallmark? Kay Jewelers? Here we are once again presented with yet another holiday in which we’re brainwashed into the idea that we need to buy some crap to prove our affection for or earn the affection of someone.

Like the Beatles said, "money can’t buy me love."

Or can it? According to some advertising I’ve seen "Every kiss begins with Kay." So what are they saying here? That the women of America are practicing a form of prostitution? You will receive affection only if you shower your girl with diamonds, flowers and candy.

And what’s the deal with that? Why is it only the ladies get gifts on Valentine's Day? That seems a little one-sided if you ask me. I always thought that relationships were some form of an alliance. A cooperative if you will. If the guys have to buy the gals diamonds, why don’t the girls have to buy plasma televisions or Superbowl tickets in return? Sharing is caring. I mean, I like chocolate too!

I mean really, we’ve got Father's Day, you’ve got Mother's Day. We can all share in the celebration of the 4th of July, Thanksgiving, various other religious holidays and Veterans Day if you’ve done your time. So why is Valentine's Day all about the girls? Is it payback for the World Series, the NBA Playoffs and the Super Bowl? That would make a little sense unless you’re like my girl who enjoys all of those events as well.

It’s not as if you girls shower us with gifts for the promise that we’ll repay you with sex on Super Bowl Sunday! We’re usually buying our own beer and HDTVs.

Why do diamonds have to be a girl's best friend? Why can’t it be something more practical? Actually, why can’t your best friend be your best friend? Sure, diamonds are all sparkly and can cut glass. But what good are they going to do you when the guy who gave them to you breaks up with you to go out with someone who likes football more than diamonds?

I know, some of you ladies out there are saying "But I cook, I clean and I take care of the children everyday." Well, I’ve got two words for you… Mother's Day! Don’t get greedy. Guys have Father's Day to celebrate that whole providing for my family thing. Again, it’s a draw. And nowadays things are different anyway; in my household I share the burden of cooking, cleaning and laundry duties, but you don’t see me asking for diamonds. If I ever got diamonds I’d probably pawn them so I could get a new MacBook Pro anyway.

Here’s another reason why Valentine's Day sucks for some people. It sucks for the people who are single! What a great holiday to reflect on failed relationships or the fact that you’ve ordered your lover from RealDolls.com. Yes, that’s an actual website where you can order a latex facsimile of your dream girl. But think of it this way, the $3,000 you’d spend on a "Real Doll" is the price you’d pay for one set of earrings from Kay. So why are you so depressed? You got off easy. And Real Dolls LOVE football!

I guess if Valentine's Day was really about love and not merchandising I wouldn’t hate it so much. Me? I celebrate my love for the love of my life everyday and don’t need some made up holiday to let her know how I feel. But regardless of how much I hate Valentine's Day… Happy Valentine's Day baby! I love you!